Monday, October 1, 2012

Snoop Lion Sucks

Where to begin? Where to EVEN begin?

You all know my (ex)beloved Snoop Dogg done up and changed his name to Snoop Lion, right?

Ahhhh - Yep.?!

Apparently he went to Jamaica, smoked way too much Jamaican dizzy-dank, had some sort of religious/spiritual epiphany that opened his "3rd Eye" and he saw that he is "Bob Marley reincarnated" and then some Rastafarian priests renamed him Snoop Lion and now he's making reggae.

Ahhhh - Okay.?!

Ahem. First of all Snoop LION (I just puked in my mouth) your "3rd eye" needs some Visine, gangsta. I'm all about reincarnation and spiritual journeys and what-not but I'm pretty fucking sure Bob Marley died May 11, 1981 and you were born October 20, 1971. Call me crazy but I don't think you can reincarnate into someone when YOU WERE ALREADY BORN BEFORE THEY EVEN DIED!!!

Thank You.

Secondly, Mr. Lion (gag)  I can kinda, sorta, maybe a little bit, understand the whole re-naming thing, especially since it was from a spiritual someone (but even then it's pushing my tolerant levels) BUT C'MON you can have ONE name change per lifetime. Please don't Puff Daddy all over yourself, you look stupid and confused and I am annoyed.

Fo real.

Thirdly, dude. I read in an article that you wanted to make music kids and grandparents can listen to. But grandparents do listen to your music!!! And who cares? You are a lyrical genius. You are the Dogfather! You are a rapper, you got swag and flow and bitches and gin and juice! What about your loyal fans? What about your dog pack, yo?!!

You guys, my heart is broken. I have loved this man longer than I have loved my husband. I really feel like he may have had a part of making me who I am today.....well he's the reason why I can rap so well, at the very least!!

I don't know. I mean I'm glad he's getting into his whole "life path journey thing" and I'm stoked he's found some renewed musical energy. I do love me some reggae. BUT I feel a little let down by my homie.

I'm sad and confused and whenever he comes on my iPod - RAPPING, like he should be -I get a little teary.

But on an up note - I managed to use "Puff Daddy" as a verb and that makes me feel awesome. So thank you for that at least, Snoop Stupid-Head Lion.

Make it stop, you guys. Make. It. Stop.