Saturday, July 30, 2011

Anal-Ness 101

So yesterday I was in line at our local grocery store, and considering the little beach town I call home is a T intersection it's safe to say this little store is the hub of this little town. So I was waiting to pay for my $5 Greek Salad (Which, let's be honest, is just some chopped up cucumber, tomato, some kalamata olives and some feta cheese, but whateves, it's ORGANIC, okay?)  and the guy in from of me didn't have 2 cents (Insert obvious joke here.) so the cashier girl didn't want to give him 98 cents back so she just gave him a dollar.

Well lo and behold, my total was 7.38.  So I just gave her 7.40 and told her to keep the change so that way her drawer would be perfect.

I mean - I was doing that girl a solid, no?

And she says to me,"Wow, aren't we a little anal?"

My first thought was to reply, "Anal? Nah, I prefer missionary but maybe if I'm a little drunk first." (I'm totally kidding mom and dad!)

But sheesh......

 I "kinda" know this girl b/c I've seen her here and there but to call out a girl on her shit only because she was being helpful......

I shall take my anal-ness and helpful-ness powers else where then...
And clearly this girl has never been to my house.  Anal would be an understatement.

Then it got me to thinking as to when my "anal-ness" began.  (Why can't I type the word anal and not giggle.....I am such a 7th-grade boy trapped in this 31-year-old woman's body!) 

I remember back in the day in grade school when we would clean out our desks every other Friday.  This seemed silly to me as my desk was always perfectly organized with a pen and pencil neatly in the front divot, folders stacked on top of one another on the left hand side from littlest to biggest and then books on the other side according to subject and time of day needed. 

Why would anyone need to take time out of their day to clean? 

Oh the shit a little person can shove in here......

I usually just got to read my book or play with the classroom hamster, Oreo, during this time.  

I remember one day my teacher was so fed up with a student because she was taking too long to clean  that he just walked over to her desk and dumped that whole f-ing thing on the floor.

I, already being annoyed by this huge waste of time, balked at the shit that was in this girl's desk.  There was a pair of dirty socks, crumpled up papers, half-eaten bags of chips (we weren't even allowed to eat food in the classroom!) a solitary mitten, hair ties, and what-ever-have-you.

clean out cha business!!

It took all of me to not start clapping.  Seriously. Clapping and nodding in agreement with the desk dumping shenanigans. My little 7-year-old self snidely saying, "Yup. Yup. You kids see that. That is a real man right there. A real, clean man.  I mean, I don't blame him. That shoulda been done ages ago."

That poor girl was mortified and started crying but I smugly pretended to read my book all the while watching her clean up her filthy mess. (I now know I should have HELPED her since I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING ANYWAYS, YOU LITTLE ANAL-ASS-BRAT!!)

But I didn't and I felt satisfied in knowing I was never going to have my shit dumped out for all the world to see.  

Yeah, I think for sure that incident just cemented my anal tendencies.... ha ha..... anal tendencies.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Lost Solez da 4th

So in continuing with my "birthday month theme" I am going to add another session of Lost Solez with little gifts from all of you!

Kihei, Hawaii                                Natalie N.

Havre, Montana                                                 My G-MA!! 

Chicago, Illinois                                                  Ally

Kihei, Hawaii                                Eileen E.

Bozeman, Montana                                   Ginger Terry

*Bonus Picture

San Luis Obispo, California                      Lori Kershaw 

Thank you again for joining the Lost Solez Team! It's so fun and there are many, many more pix!!  

So please keep them coming!!  (And for those of you that "see" them and then DON'T TAKE A PICTURE but "think of me" - and no I'm not talking to ONE of you, I'm talking to ALL of you who say this to me...)  Stop fucking breaking my heart, grab your phone, get out of the car, look like an asshole who takes pictures of old-balls shoes, explain to your friend (and/or people who come over to see what the hell you are looking at) what you are doing and then send the picture to me via text or via

It truly makes my day/week/year.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Random Facts of the Fifth Kind

You know what you guys?  I haven't done a Random Fact blog entry since December. (Well if you don't count Boyfriend's Random Facts.)

Crazy Wack Funky. Okay.....

30. I once had my name written in Sharpie on a bathroom wall.

Okay this wasn't it - but it's Fucking Hilarious none-the-less!

In 7th-grade someone (I have a sneaking suspicion I know who did this and she may even be reading this blog - but don't worry- I ain't mad at cha!) wrote a list entitled "The Top 5 Bitches of East Middle School" and I, my dear friends, was number 3 or 4. I can't really remember but I DO remember thinking, "Well, thank Gawd I'm not number one, Bitches!!"

31. I played softball for 10 years. It is a time I think back on with really good memories. It totally shaped who I am. I played centerfield and LOVED it. Even made the All-Star team every summer, lettered my Freshman year of high school and LOVED my teammates. It's so important to be part of something bigger than you. (Thank you Mom for shoving a huge mitt on my hand and shoving me out of the car to my first practice when I was a mere 7-years-old and was wondering WTF I was supposed to be doing?!)

32. I have arranged my book shelf in rainbow colors and I totally love it! People come over and see it and think I'm crazy but it's totally great and it's totally my favorite wall of my house....

Tell me this isn't the cutest??

33. Speaking of Middle School - I used to only use Grape or Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers. This kid in my art class used to eat them, which I thought was super disgusting.

34.  Speaking of Middle School - I have the same hair comb from like, the 6th-grade, no joke.  It has gone with me on countless camping trips, life in other countries, concert festivals, relatives' houses, college, summer camps, sleep-overs, etc. How crazy is that? And I've never gotten another one because I've never had to! Ha!

35.  This song makes me want to be a song writer - which I've never given much thought to but now, after hearing this, I may have to give it a think!

Click Here To Hear

36.  I never set my alarm clock to end with a 0 or a 5. It's always at like 7:02 or 8:28.


37.  My birthday is July 18.  And I am a summer baby.  This is a fact.  But to all my Australian and New Zealand mates (I'm lookin' at you Z....) I am a winter baby.  Also, unacceptable.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Lost Solez the Third

I thought we should start my birthday month (Notice the new mustache pic in honor of July?) with a bang.

The third installment of Lost Solez!!

These are all little gifts given to me from YOU!

Paia, Hawaii                          Whitney & Loli

Hwy 15, Montana                  My Mama

La Perouse, Hawaii                            My Husband

Poli Poli, Hawaii      Chelsea & Linda
(It's right at the base of the Buddha Log!)

Missoula, Montana    Ally & Davey Ray Romance

*Bonus Picture

Missoula, Montana                  Cat & Ally 
There are many more pix from many more of you - so no worries if you don't have yours up yet - it will be!!

And seriously, it's my birthday month, so all I want from you is more lost solez!  Email me at or just straight up text a girl!

Yay July!!