Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Movie Thang

Sex & The City 2! Sex & The City 2! Sex & The City 2!

It's opening day tomorrow people!

Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha, Miranda - 4
of my closest friends.

My Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, Carrie - another 4 of my closest friends.

But alas......... I will not be going to see it for at least a week (or two) and then it will have to be on a random Tuesday morning.

Let me tell you why.

You see, I have this hmmmmmm, how shall I say this? I have a "movie thingy". (Please make the quote mark move with your 2 fingers on both hands while you read the rest of this blog.) And only my family and close friends know this about me. It' s one of "my things". You know how people have "their things"? For example: my husband can not take a drink of soda without hiccuping. It's weird - it's "his thing". And I also have this friend who used to set her alarm clock for like 1 hour and 43 minutes ahead of the real time - don't ask me why - it was just "her thing".

My "movie thingy" may border on some sort of clinical situation that needs medication, but I hate to label these neurosis so let's just keep calling it what it is - "my thing". (End quote hands here.)

So - this is it. I hate hate hate going to the movies with other people. I mean, I like to go with my people, but I hate a packed house. I hate having to sit by someone I don't know and feeling like I have to politely keep my hands in my lap because they are hogging the god damn armrest. I'm an only child - me no likey sharing. I hate people's fucking outbursts of cheers or inappropriate laughter or sighs or heavy breathers. I hate hate hate heavy breathers.

AND, I must have the perfect seat. I may have a touch of claustrophobia, but like I said earlier I hate to label things - lets just say I need a way out at all times - because I hate to sit like 6 people in. I also don't like to sit in the smack-ass middle of the movie theater itself. It must be either the second or third row from the back and if no one is around like 4 seats in from the side.

AND, I MUST MUST MUST be sitting and ready to go (ie. popcorn in lap, napkins handy, water in soda holder, chocolate within reaching distance, cell phone off , chap stick on etc.) a good, solid five (preferably ten) minutes before the previews start (I love the previews.) or I will not go to the show. Even if I have driven all the way there for the sole purpose of watching that movie and the movie starts in like 3 mintues? Nope, noway, forget about it.

Which leaves me going to really popular movies on random weekdays, with time to spare and really, really understanding friends that don't judge me on this particular crazy thing.

Other than all that I am a pretty fun movie date.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Fun Stuffs

So - I have to share with blog-land about this girl I met from Lanai who sews thee most awesome clutches and bags. (Me? I am a clutch girl; all I really carry is: what little cash I have at the time, my phone, my debit card, my library card, Z's business cards, lip gloss, a tiny orange Sharpie marker and maybe a tampon, depending on the week.) So I am always on the lookout for a clutch. And here's what I found.


I am really obsessed with this at the moment - look at the gold tassel? A GOLD TASSEL??

Um, yes please.

It makes me happy every time I see it.

While we're on the subject of things that make me happy - I got a new pair of glasses..... for $9 at Walmart. (I know Walmart is horrible but I go there for all my eye care needs since they are cheap and our insurance doesn't cover me eyes. To be said in a pirate voice - me eyes....arggggg.) Anyway, I found these "Little Miss Sunshine-y" pink glasses!! Nine bucks for the frame and 50 bucks for the lenses ......... was a frickin' steal.


I shoulda put this as my author picture in the back of my book. Shoot.

And here I am chewing on a yellow Sharpie. Another thing I love - Sharpies. I only write in Sharpies and my husband can't stand it. For some reason he holds his pen all wonky and the Sharpie's don't work right for him! WTF? Nerd. The other day I head him yelling from the office, "Isn't there a god damn pen in this house?"

No, but there is a hot wife rockin' her pink spectacles and carrying her elk clutch.

Who needs a pen?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My Mama Monologue

This past weekend my writing was read out loud on stage! It was Scary! Awesome! Inspiring! Tearful!

Of course, I cried. (I am such a frickin' crybaby! What the hell is my deal????)

Anyway, it was a tribute to all mothers, hence why it was on Mother's Day weekend. I had submitted a story about my mama; along with other writers from around the world. I really didn't think it would get picked to be in the production but I got accepted! I learned of this acceptance like 6 months ago, so needless to say I was excited for the day to finally be able to see my story, along with the others, performed on stage.

My friends and I (thanks again, my supportive, beautiful friends!) went to dinner, where I proceeded to drink a big o' glass o' wine. Then we got to the theater and my story wasn't until after intermission so I proceeded to drink another big o' glass o' wine during the break. It was only then I felt like I was actually calm enough to focus on my story. The girl who read it did an excellent job and my hubby even managed to catch most of it on the camera!

Here is the story so you can read it first. (Thanks again to my mom; who let me lay a little bit of our crazy shit out on the table for all to hear/read/judge/relate to/enjoy. I Love You!)

The Spiral Perm

I got my first perm when I was in the third grade. It was a “spiral perm” that made my straight hair cascade into a ton of golden-brown tendrils. It made me feel sassy, maybe a little too sassy, now that I think of it.

The salon was right by my mom’s friends’ house and after the perm was all said and done, she and I rushed on over so everyone could “ooh” and “ahh” over my new do. But they only “ohhed” and “ahhed” for a couple of minutes and then it was on to female conversation.

Being an only child, and feeling as spunky as I did that day, I wanted more of the attention. And I turned into a little curly haired brat.

"Stop Whining!" my mom said; I didn't and I was grounded for a month.

I went home and wrote in my diary about how mad I was at my mom…..and how great my hair was.

A couple of days later, my mom was vacuuming my room and bumped my dresser. The diary fell onto the floor and opened to the last entry. I quickly tried to retrieve it out of her hands, but she saw something that made both her mouth and the diary drop back down to the floor.

It read, “I hate my mom. I wish she would die.”

Okay, okay. Please keep in mind, I was only eight years old and had no concept of the capacity of these words.

But I had never seen my mom cry as hard as she did. In my shock, I didn’t know what to do with myself so I sat at the kitchen table, listening to her sobs.

A little while later she came into the kitchen with a pad of paper and a pencil.

“Write the word hate and say it out loud,” she ordered through clenched teeth, tears streaming down her face.

I wrote HATE in my best penmanship. H – A –T- E.

I whispered it out loud, “Hate.”

“Now do it 99 more times,” my mother commanded. “And when you are done, you will do the exact same thing with the word DIE.”

So here we were, both crying, as I wrote and said HATE and DIE one hundred times each, perhaps gaining a little bit more depth as to what these two words truly meant.

I will never forget the lined paper, how much my hand hurt from writing or the way my curly hair kept falling in my face.

I never wanted another perm after that.

The director changed it a little bit, but I wanted you to get the gist when you watch the video - I hope you can hear her clearly!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Random Facts 2.0

11. Although I do not eat meat, I am a very good eater and like most food. The one thing I can not stand to eat, smell or even think about is - warm fruit. ( You can't see me but I just gagged.) I. REALLY. Hate. Warm. Fruit. But don't feel sorry for me - I still eat pie. I just eat cold, hard, refrigerated pie.

12. Whenever I see a newscast about someone being attacked by a grizzly bear, I am bothered more by the fact that the bear had to be put down than the scars and surgeries of the person who got attacked. I am a heartless soul.

13. I am on the third book of the Twilight series and Bella pisses me off so bad I can hardly keep reading. Grow the hell up, stop moping around, enjoy your non-rent paying teenage years and know you don't need a stupid vampire boy to make you happy. It's 2010 little girl. Get a fucking grip. (Team Jacob!)

I can not live, eat, think, feel or wash my laundry without this 187-year-old boy. I am pathetic.

14. I like to eavesdrop on other people's conversations, especially while at dinner with my husband. He hates it. I know it's rude (to both him and the unsuspecting participants) but other people are so damn fascinating!

15. I once had fake nails. (My best friend will not let me live this down and insisted I come out of the acrylic closet and confess.) So, okay, deep breath. I HAD ACRYLIC NAILS FOR PROM BUT KEPT THEM ON AFTER PROM ENDED - AND I LIKED THEM!!! (There you go A; I won't mention the time you made me cut your hair and then you cried really hard and promptly kicked me out of your house; only to call me minutes later to come back over so we could talk about the hideous hack job. I told you I didn't know how to cut hair!! )

These nails have pieces of fruit on them - if her hands get warm....... I'm puking on my flip flops!!

16. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and can see really clearly and I think to myself, "Shit! Oh, my god! It's a miracle!!" Only to realize, seconds later, that I forgot to take out my contacts the night before. Then I am sad.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Mrs. Queen

I recently saw something that made me flashback to the days when I would rush home from school and listen to my mom's record player..... this makes me sound like I grew up in the 1960's but I really didn't. I was an 80's child - but I still rushed home to listen to my mom's records.

I was particularly fond of Queen and the album A Night at the Opera. The album cover was white and had this rainbow of colors on it, with a bird and other crazy shit - I loved it. For those of you who are die-hard Queen fans (annnnnnd whooooo isn't) you will know that A Night at the Opera features such classics like "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "You're My Best Friend" -neither which I listened to.

Nope - not this girl - I was OBSESSED with "The Prophet's Song."

And it's 8 minutes and 17 seconds long! Making it Queen's longest song. So, not only is it really, really long; it's really, really, bad. It's actually, really, really, really, really, really bad.

(If you have 8 minutes and 17 seconds of your life you are willing to give up for me, and your boss won't get mad you're listening to Queen while on the clock, then please see for yourself. BUT you HAVE to listen to the WHOLE thing to get the point of this blog - okay, maybe the whole thing will be too painful but listen to at least 6 min. and 30 sec.)

See? I told ya!

But, I seriously LOVED this song when I was like 7 years old. LOVED it - I would listen to it 5 times a day, all in a row. (Which is 41 minutes and 25 seconds of Freddie Mercury on a bad day; over and over and over and over......)

I feel okay admitting this to blog-land because I HAVE to tell you what my husband's most favorite movie was back in the day ....... his mom told me he would watch it every day after school. I guess he watched it so much the tape broke and he cried.

Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Can you picture seven year old me and eight year old him on opposite sides of the world: me listening to the song you just heard and him watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

It's like destiny that we found each other!