Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Dream of B.S.

So one of my friend's just wrote on Facebook how she had this dream and a Britney Spears song was in it and how it was really fun.

This led me to remember that I had a dream about Britney Spears once myself.

No it wasn't like that, fellas.....sorry.

The bitch shot me....


Wait - let me start from the beginning.....

So me and Britt Britt were cruising around the town I grew up in in Montana in her black Escalade. I don't know why we were there, why we were homies or why I knew it was a black Escalade - that's just the way dreams work. So anyways, we are cruising around and I'm thinking to myself, "Huh, this girl isn't as bat shit crazy as the media makes her out to be. I'm actually having a good time!"And then I remember sorta feeling sorry for her like we can all be misunderstood, you know?

And then it starts snowing really bad and then there is like 2 feet of snow on the ground and it's really dark out and I tell Miss Spears that maybe I should drive because it doesn't snow much in California. (Again, I don't know HOW my subconscious know that Britney Spears lives in sunny CA, but whatever.) So she kinda gets pissed and starts driving faster. The huge car starts doing 360s in the street and right in front of one of my best girlfriend's houses we slam into a car parked on the side of the road. I'm yelling at Britney like she's crazy (hahaha) and then I go to get out of the car like,
"F-this wack-a-doodle, I'm out!!! Deuces - crazy pants."

And then she totally SHOOTS ME! Right in the back. Like, I can feel the hot bullet burn into my back and the warm blood run down my skin. (Too much? Sorry.)

And I think,"Oh, my God! Britney Spears just fucking shot me!"

And then I woke up.

Seriously. WTF?!?!
I mean, you can't make this stuff up, people.

I thought I would consult an on-line dream dictionary. Let's see what they have to say.

I will look up a few key words. (All this is taken from

Celebrity: Dreaming that you are talking to a celebrity or that you are friends with a celebrity can mean that your subconscious mind considers that person a friend because you "interact" with them often, or like to "interact" with them by watching them in the media. 

Um, not so much.

Snow:  The idea of covering up, blanketing, hiding or obscuring what lies beneath.

I write a blog about brazilian waxing, my weird mustache fetish and my weird ass dreams about B.Spears. Again, not so much.

Being Shot: or someone who wants to shoot you can represent feelings or fear of attack, persecution, judgment, or other hostility in your life.

A bullet wound—or having been shot already—can represent feeling victimized, wounded, or taken advantage of physically, emotionally, or mentally in your life.

Well, I can't name something in particular but hasn't every one felt this at one point or another?

 Well that was dumb.

 I probably just ate something weird or maybe I'm just crazy.

Let's be BFFs in real life, K??!!!!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Random Facts: A - Z

So I'm a fan/cyber-friend with Jive Turkey. She's under the "Blogs I'm Kinda In Love With" column over there. And she invited us all to do this A-Z thing. So I thought I would hop on board! Read hers here and you should read her all the time cause the gurl be all sortsa funny, yo.

A. Age:  31
B. Bed Size: I dream of a California King but sleep on a mere Hawaiian Queen. 
C.  Chore That You Hate:  I'm kinda anal so I kinda like to do chores because that means my house is clean! Yay! But I could do with a dishwasher - no dishwasher for 13 years bites my ass. Big Time.
D. Dogs: B-Dizzle!


F.  Favorite Color:  Blue, no wait, hot pink, no green, no lime green, no mint green...wait - all colors??
G.  Gold or Silver: Both - I like to mix my golds and silvers together - I'm crazy like that.
H.  Height: 5'5"
I.  Instruments You Play:  I can play twinkle twinkle little star on the harmonica.  But would love to learn to play the steel guitar. My mom used to make me take piano lessons. My piano teacher's breath always smelled bad but she had the bomb assortment of scratch and sniff stickers which smelled great. That's kinda ironic now that I think about it.
J. Job Title: Children's Book Author/Social Media Coordinator/Caterer/Boss of Z & Boyfriend
K. Kids: Hell to the No. Er - I mean not yet! 
L.  Live: Hawaii
M.  Mother's Name: Roberta, but she hates it so don't ever call her that or she will beat your ass. 
N. Nickname: Moe -  way back in high school. My mom got me Miz Moe vanity plates for my first car. I was straight big pimpin' back in the day with those!
O. Overnight Hospital Stays: None. (Knock on wood.)
P.  Pet Peeves: People who constantly bitch on Facebook to get attention, slow tourist drivers, people who car-stalk you for your parking spot. 
Q.  Quote From A Movie:  "That's a pretty fucking good milkshake." - J.T. Pulp Fiction
R.  Right or Left Handed: Righty
S.  Siblings: Only child - my parents love me and only me. 
T.  (? There was no T Jive Turkey!) So let's pretend it said Toothpaste Brand:  Kiss My Face Whitening
U.  Underwear: G-String during the day and granny panties at night. I kid, they aren't granny panties - they're full coverage, okay?
V.  Vegetables You Hate:  I don't think I hate any vegetables. I'm not a fan of peas out of the can, I guess.

W.  What Makes You Run Late:  Slow driving tourists gawking at whales/surfers/windsurfers/kiteboarders/waves/hot chicks in little bikinis/hot surfer boys/etc.
X. X-rays: My teeth and an ecocardiogram. I haz a heart murmur.
Y.  Yummy Food That You Make:  Vegetable Frittata, Eggplant Parmesan, Toast
Z. Zoo Animal: Giraffes. Man, I LOVE me some giraffes.

Okay - your turn! And link it in the comment section so everyone can laugh at how crazy you are!