Thursday, March 8, 2012

Avain Vehicular Manslaughter

So I was thinking a little bit about this little blog and decided to check out my little "stats" that Blogspot provides for us so we can see how many people have come to this page, from where, googling whatever random shit people google and they land on PLWV and from what country readers are from and so on and so on.

So far I've had 13,550+ hits. These hits are not to be confused with people actually reading my writing - more like googling a phrase and somehow ending up on my blog.

Lovely phrases such as: "Britney Spears feet" (WTF?) or "Gangster Girl" (Holla!) or the even better "Hot Mexican Gangster Girls" (Wait - if I'm not Mexican then am I not hot either? Shoot. )  "I ain't reading that shit" (Ha! I don't even know why they are on the Internet then?) "1982 baby pics" (Weird.) and the best one of all "I don't mean to sound slutty but use me whenever you want" (I was talking about Grammar, people!!)

These little phrases that are googled and then spits my blog out as an option are always worth a laugh.... thought I would share!!

You know what isn't funny though is that I killed a bird yesterday, a Hawaiian Red Crested Cardinal to be exact.

RIP. iSorry.

It was a Vehicular Homicide.... no it was Vehicular Manslaughter because I didn't mean to do it.  The little guy/gal just flew right into my car.

I called Z and cried.

I put it as my Facebook Status (because who doesn't like a little Avian Vehicular Manslaughter Update every now and then?) and got a few more comforting condolences - which I really did need. I am not a killer.  Remember?

And then my G-ma commented on my status (yes G-ma has a Facebook account, isn't she the cutest?) and asked if Z had buried it? lol! (yes she wrote lol, isn't she the cutest?) And it did make me laugh because the last time I had a Vehicular Manslaughter "Incident" I made Z bury the thing.

It was when we lived in Vermont - ahhhh.... Vermont and I had some run-ins with the animals. Remember?

So I was driving our bosses really nice Range Rover into town to get the oil changed or something super important like that. (Good thing I got that college education!)

Big Pimpin'

And the thing with a really nice car like this is that the suspension has like super ridiculous hydraulic whatchamacallits so when you drive over - say a pothole - you don't even feel it! Seriously - like when you go and sit in this thing it like hydraulically self-adjusts to your weight and shit. Crazy.

Anyways - so I am driving down our long ass dirt road to get on the highway to go into town and this little squirrel darts out in front of me. I scream and close my eyes but don't feel anything under the tires so I think he/she must have made it right? I proceed to drive into town and do whatever and then return home. I'm driving back up that dirt road and I see it squished on the road right when another car is driving towards me and then re-running it's little dead body over and 

I. Lose. My. Shit.

I run into the house and Z jumps up thinking I wrecked their $40,000+ car. When I catch my breath and explain what happens he gives me a hug and says he's sorry but it doesn't make me feel better. I feel like it shouldn't just be laying out on the road getting re-ran over and over and I ask him to go scrape it off the dirt and bury it.

And he does.

Best Husband of the Year 2004


He's the sweetest most sweetest.

Now maybe we should go back and find that little red bird........

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