Monday, February 22, 2010

Our First Date

So this is officially my first post on my blog. I'm actually kinda nervous and my palms are sweaty..... it's like a first date. No wait - if you don't know me then it's like a BLIND DATE!

Well great, now I feel like I'm gonna fuckin' puke.

(Deep Breath. Try to keep cussing to a minimal. Try to win you over with my charm and wit.)

I suppose I should tell you a little about myself ....because that's what you do whilst on a date.

Okay - so I am 29 years old. (And when I say I am 29 I am really 29, not 30 saying I'm 29.) I'm 29, married for 5 years and live in Hawaii.

Hawaii?? You are thinking to yourself. Yes, Hawaii. (Please don't roll your eyes because it's 84 degrees and I can see palm trees and the ocean when I advert my gaze a mere 1 inch above my computer monitor!)

We ended up here 3 years ago because my husband is from New Zealand and this is our halfway point since I grew up in Montana.

We have a dog, whom I'm sure I will be mentioning quite a bit in my blog, because he is naughty as all hell. We aren't very good dog owners but he's happy and we're happy and I refuse to feel bad about the fact that HE'S the GOD DAMN pack leader. It's fine. You try being the pack leader to a one in a half year old Jack Russell psychopath. Good Luck.

Oh P.S. - His name is Boyfriend.
Boyfriend?? You are thinking to yourself. Yes, Boyfriend. (Please don't roll your eyes because I have a Boyfriend & a Husband - it's every girl's dream!)

I have recently published my first children's book and it should be out on the market this spring. (Will keep you updated on that fun fact!) Am currently working on a few others and in the meantime I am looking for a job that doesn't require serving, waiting or cleaning up after people. I CAN NOT wait another table, or have another conversation with a tourist on how I came to live in paradise and how great it would be to live here. (Just imagining having this conversation AGAIN has me reaching for their butter knife and dragging it over my throat.)

It IS great to live here. And what I really want to say to every one of them is that where someone lives is a choice. You CHOOSE to live in a place with 15 feet of snow and no sun for 6 months. I CHOOSE to live in a place where it's always sunny and there's always $3 margaritas from 12 - 6 and my local pub! You CHOOSE to have a house payment and 6 kids. I CHOOSE no kids and to pay rent and watch the lawn guys and pool guy work while I sunbathe and read US weekly.

It's all about choices.

I hope you choose to keep on coming back here and reading my blog. It'll be about whatever I choose to write about that day or about whatever comes spewing out of my mouth - hence Pretty Little Word Vomit.

(And if my mom is reading this - please note I only swore twice!!)


  1. LOVE IT! Best first date I ever did have. I hereby solemnly swear to read your blog everyday from my current place of snow and no sunshine hehehe. xxx Linz

  2. You are so funny I can't believe you write children's books. I love you.