Rhymes With Suck.....

So I've had this brilliant idea that I want my second children's book to rhyme. WHY? WHY? WHY? Here's a tid-bit on how that brilliant idea is going....

Dr. Suess, I am not and my brain has officially gone to pot. Rhyming is really fricking hard and the more I try the more I feel like a big ole 'tard. (That is so not P.C.!) Hawaiian words are not the norm and my technique and patience lack the form, necessary to complete this task. Now where did I put my pink glittery flask?

I ain't even playin'......

Half of me wants to quit, screaming F this wack bull-shit! But my other side, the crazy-ass competitive one, thinks this can - and this will - be done!

Will some one shut her the hell up? I can't take anymore things in my already over-flowing cup! At night I'm thinking, "What rhymes with Pueo (a Hawaiian owl)?" Um, there's no way-o. What rhymes with luau? Um, poo-au? How about "Aloha" or "Mahalo"? It's just plain silly thru and thru..... oh, the crap I get myself into.....

Good thing it wasn't a mouse that lived in HAWAII....and spoke HAWAIIN.....asshole main-land mouse.

So wish me luck, butter-cup!! I may have gotten in a little over my head, but for now it's off to bed.... where I shall try to think of more rhyming words all the while saying, "This stupid rhyme-time crap is for the birds!!"

The End.

The Mystery Continues....

The best thing happened.... again.

I get back from my mini vacation and go to my mail box and THIS was in a little package, waiting for me.

The awesome ring pictured - not the awesome dog pictured.

Again, no note. No nothing.

The Mysterious Mustache Sender(s) Strike(s) again!!

Here are the facts:

1. It was, again, addressed to the name I published my book under.

2. It was, again, from the greatest website ever Etsy.com Seriously, check it out!!

3. I freakin' LOVE the color pink. Not in the "I love pink because I'm a sorority girl or 4-years-old kinda way." But the "isn't this so obnoxious AND it's pink kinda way."

4. I freakin' LOVE glitter. (I think I used to be a god damn crow in my past life. I can NOT not look at something shiny, or not NOT want something shiny or glittery. "Must touch/buy/want/nag my husband incessantly about shiny, glittery thing." It's my mantra.

Take my favorite pair of Toms for instance.

(You know when you buy a pair of these shoes - not all colors are glittery, but then what's the point? - they donate a pair to a chid in need - just F.Y.I.

Here are my conclusions:

1. It may or may not be the same sender. I don't care either way - I'm stoked for fun little surprises in the mail!

2. Again, he or she has impeccable taste!

3. The plan is INDEED working for this blog - FREE GIFTS! FREE GIFTS!

So yay!

THANK YOU, AGAIN, MYSTERIOUS MUSTACHE SENDER(s)!!

*At the time of publication - the author of this blog may or may not have been told the identity of one or multiple party sender or senders of aforementioned mustache gift. Said author may or may not have wanted to keep this charade going in hopes that more mustache gifts will come in the mail. Also, said author is not held responsible or libel for false hopes being crushed that the aforementioned Mustache Mystery may or may not be solved.

Big Tripin'

So this is my first post of 2011 and it's January 13th??

LAME.

But here's why -

I was on a mini-little vacay with this girl...

Who is very UN-LAME, as you can see.

And this girl...

Who is also very UN-LAME, just like her mama.

They (and their husband/da-da) won a vacation to the islands. So me and Z took a little trip and met up with them for a much needed break.

There was a lotta this....

"Pee makes me beer a lot."

And a whole lotta this...

Big Pimpin'

But alas, I am back to reality. And back to YOU!!

So stay tuned as my ever-growing list of things to do in 2011 involve this blog, another children's book, the gym and or yoga studio. It will also involve not eating cheese on a daily basis.

So Here's to a New Year! (And a smaller ass!)

Cheers!!