Is it a Busy Bee? or a Busy Beaver? I'm both, then.

Oh, Hi!

Remember me??

Seriously guys, I don't mean to bitch right off the bat but I have been soooooo mother lovin' busy this month.

Proof!

Do you see the whole 3 days I didn't have anything going on/working? Those were clean the house/grocery shopping/wash laundry days. How the hell do people do this with KIDS??? I'm starting to warm up to the idea of plural marriages. I could use a "sister-wife" or two. Maybe those women are on to something......hmmmm........

I am delirious & tired.

But I am happy.

Here is what has been going on around here (In Bulleted-Form.)

• Z's still sporting the stash; in fact, he has now taken to twisting up the sides and we are going to buy him some mustache wax - it's just never ending fun with the facial hair.
• I catered the best, most romantic wedding ever! (And this is a big statement because I have seen A LOT of weddings.) The love was so fierce between the two that it was palpable. You could feel their love like a cozy sweater. There was not a dry-eye in the house. The families were awesome, the speeches were heartfelt and beautiful - even our male bartender was crying during their first dance. And the marriage was between two women. Anyone who thinks that gay marriage is a problem should have been at this wedding - they would have eaten their judgey/assholey opinions right down with the bride and bride wedding cake.
• My mom and step-dad and my G-ma are going to be visiting next Thursday! I can't wait!! They haven't seen their hairy little grandchild/great-grandchild since he was 6 mos. old - plus he is wayyyyyy better behaved now that the puppy stage is over!
• The reason for the visit is because I HAVE MY FIRST-EVER BOOK SIGNING AT BORDERS IN 1 WEEK!!!
• And I get to meet my illustrator in person! (Like how I call her MY illustrator like I own her soul now. That is such an only child statement - geez Louise.) Anyways, I don't own Holly but we are friends, I like her a lot. The funny thing is we are only blog and facebook friends so I can't wait to meet her in person!
• I am going to wear the perfect necklace at the book signing: it's a vintage piece my mom secretly bought for me after I fell in love with it while visiting MT this summer. It's a really cool bird and it's wings and tail move when you walk. It's big and I love it.

My necklace is bigger than your necklace.

So that's about it. You know, book signings and mustaches - the usual. I probably won't have time to write again for the next coupla weeks - but will take lots a pictures and if you're on island you can come check us out.

Saturday, Nov. 6 Noon - 1 pm at Borders at Queen Ka'ahumanu Mall and then from

2 - 3 pm at Borders by Pier 1 and Old Navy.

Holly will be reading our book to the little kiddies at the later one. So bring the little ones and bring your wallet. Just kidding - but seriously come and say hey if you can!!

Paybacks are a Bee-yatch!!

Oh, Paybacks.

What was the last quote from my Snoop Dogg blog, again?

Right.

"Paybacks are a motha fuckin' bitch. Ya better aks somebody."

Well said, gangsta. Well. said.

So as paybacks for my husband (STILL) sporting the stache, I got him this birthday card.

Um, Chicken's Butt?

PSYCH!!!

Hahahahaha!!!! Take that molestache!! (And yes, Z, shat himself for half-a-second.)

Well played, gangsta. Well. played.

* For the record or for those who can't see well or can't read cursive. I am NOT pregnant. Repeat: I am NOT pregnant.

WTF? Molestache in the hizzie!!

Holy Shite! I have been working like a mother f-er. These past days I haven't seen my husband. (And only a little of my Boyfriend.) When I get home from work, Z is sleeping and when Z gets up, I am sleeping.

It sucks, but it's super good. Making some cash for when my parents come out next month!

When it rains, it pours, no?

BUT. BUT. BUT.

When left unattended for too long; THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS!!! (After I got home at 1:30 in the morning, after a hell-asious catering gig.)

"Oh, hi babe! I know how much you love a good mustache - so I did this for you......"

Hell to the NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

My husband's lookin' kinda like a perv. But, on the other hand - it's HILARIOUS!!!

Reminds me of a cross between:

Matthew Mcconaughey in his best role ever!! (Not a bad thing, ladies, ay?)

Click on his name to see the one of thee best quotes in movie history.

AND:

Jason Lee in his not so best role ( Come on, guys, have you seen Almost Famous????)

But still super funny.

It's my own damn fault, being all mustache crazy.

But my love of a mustache extends only to mugs and jewelry, mostly because people keep lookin' at Z like he's gonna steal their kids and /or money.

But even with a bad stache - he still steals my heart.

Books. Boards. Boyfriend.

Whew guys! I have been soooo busy these days....

These are the latest happenings:

Me and my talented illustrator's book is available for purchase!

Yay!

It's available at amazon.com or borders.com or directly from me! If you are interested in a signed copy message me your email address and I will send you all the details!

Also:

Boyfriend has taken to this bizarre behavior. He has been carrying around my shirts in his mouth - just walkin around the house, holding them in his mouth. Not chewing them or anything; in fact, he will gently set them down on the floor when he's finished manhandling said blouses. It's so cute/weird. Then last night I got into bed and my feet felt something under the sheets so I pull back the covers and found like five of my shirts in the bed. Apparently he's stock piling my shit.

You're so lucky you're so damn cute.

Z has started to make wooden surf boards. Like, old-school, hollow boards. And they are awesome. My man can make/fix everything. It's hot/sexy.

Especially when rockin' the "jorts," jeans/shorts.

In other news: I bought the most awesome smelling pumpkin candle so even though it is ALWAYS 84 degrees at my house - it SMELLS just like fall - am making beet and carrot soup tonight to support candle smell. Yay Fall!

Stachetastic Deux? Oui!

I think I may have a slight obsession with all things Mustache...... it all started with this little number and has now become Ree-Dick-U-Lass!!

I can't help it - the "Mustachio" is timeless: always cool, always hip, always funny and never not hilarious.

Here are a few of my obsessions:

Are you kidding me??? Who does not want these?????

Or these??? I NEED to drink my wine out of these glasses. No other wine glasses will EVER, EVER, EVER do.

I really want this hanging in my bathroom. I only own four necklaces.... but have no fear - because I will hang this (see below) on it as well.....

Ugh, these are soooo cool!! Because you can do this (see below)

NEVER NOT FUNNY. Never. Not. Funny.

Poof. Your mac (Please tell me you are not reading this on a PC - once you go Mac, you'll never go back, right A?) is now incognito.......now where the hell did that laptop go?

Just a really cool print for our unborn baby's unborn room.....

That's only a taste of my obsessions. Now I don't actually own any of these... but with Christmas just around the corner - I might want only mustache gifts or I might give only mustache gifts..... hmmmm...... perhaps both.

Where is all this fabulous stuff available at? Etsy.com Etsy is all things handmade and all things freaking fantastic!! Check it out! (But be prepared for hours of your life to be consumed....)

A Blast From the Past!!

Many of you probably don't know this about me, well maybe you do if you read this blog entry, but I have a degree in Journalism. In order to get said degree, I had to do a three-month-long internship (it felt like 3 mother f-ing years). Which just so happened to be for my hometown newspaper. This required me to leave my super cool and funky college town and return to my mom's house (My mom is super cool and funky too, but you get the gist.) Not a happy camper.

Thee only cool thing about writing for a newspaper was that the Outdoor Editor let me write 2 guest columns.

Here, for a repeat performance, is one of those columns.

I admit it.

I am deathly afraid of outhouses.

Laugh all you want. (Everyone always does.) Admitting this fear is embarrassing enough.

It is not the smell that bothers me, or the flies that buzz around. It is not the occasional spider web or the fear of falling in. It is not the idea of going where other’s have “gone before,” or even the dark trek out to the loo in the middle of the night.

I am not afraid of the splashing thing or the sitting on the seat. I am not afraid I’ll drop something important, never able to retrieve it.

Nope, it’s the little, dirty old man that lives “down there” in the pit and tickles the behinds of unsuspecting users.

OMFG!! This is him! This is him!

I’m not crazy, I am aware there is really not an unhygienic person who lives in the hole, yet he has haunted me ever since I can remember.

No matter what my mother tells everyone, my borderline “outhouse phobia” is ALL her fault. I must have been fine with the whole outdoor bathroom thing before the “incident” ruined me, because being afraid of an outhouse is obviously a learned behavior.

It happened one summer evening when my family and I were camping. I was at that tender age when I took my mother’s word as the gospel truth. As I was walking to the john, my mother casually told me to be careful about the little old man.

Well that was it. That was when it all began. And it has stuck with me throughout all my outdoor adventures.

While attending a three-day concert at the Gorge in Washington State during college, I knew I would be forced to use the portable potty. So when Mother Nature called, I made my best friend go in with me. Here we are, cramped inside a sea green outhouse, with a thousand people waiting to go and I cannot sit and do my business without fear of the little old man and his long scratchy index finger. My best friend is laughing at me. It’s over a hundred degrees in that thing. People are yelling at us to hurry and I am petrified. Needless to say, it was a long couple of days.

Another time, I was camping with a boyfriend at this little rustic place on Rock Creek in Montana. After a fabulous day of fishing, I had to go. Making him stand guard for the hundredth time while I did the deed, he became fed up and pleaded with me to use the outhouse behind the cabin.

After much protest and mostly to just make him shut up about it, I gave in. I thought that day would be the day my life with outhouses would change forever.

Yeah right. I walked into the old wooden outhouse and again, I was terrified.

If the fate of the free world rested on my and an outhouse, I would use it to the best of my abilities.

I love the outdoors and I love being close to nature, so I will continue to do my natural thing as close to her as possible.

This was printed with a PICTURE of me and THOUSANDS of people read it. The day this got printed was a Thursday and over the course of the next coupla days I got: a free lunch because the waitress recognized me from the picture and said her husband laughed so hard he was crying and she knew he would want to pay for my bowl of Chili; I got a wedding proposal - not for marriage but some guy at the bar recognized me and wanted to take me as his date to his brother's wedding. Really? I also got emails and phone calls and a shout out from some DJ at a Rodeo Dance. Really?

I was known for the rest of the summer as "The Outhouse Girl" but I wasn't embarrassed because this "Outhouse Girl" didn't pay SHIT for her drinks all summer long!

Ain't Nothin' but a G-Thang, Baby!

I love music.

I know a lot of people do (clearly) but I couldn't even imagine the world without it. And I love it all - a man and his guitar, Rap, Country, whatever.

My music loving really started going when my dad bought me my first CD player in the 7th grade. It was a 5 disc changer with removable spreakers, the creme de' la creme. What he failed to buy me were some CD's to go in it. (Typical male.)

Well, that's kinda not the whole truth. There was the CD, Enigma, in one of the disc holders when we opened it. Apparently the workers accidently left it after they were using monk chants mixed with some nice beats to show the quality of the sound.

(And for those of you who can't remember Enigma. Let me, ah, enlighten you.)

I'm 13 years old. I'm not about to listen to scary-ass monk chanting and some breathy woman singing/orgasm-ing in........ um, Latin?

Nope.

My first ever REAL CD was........... wait for it............................

Snoop Doggy Dog's Doggystlye.

I'm serious.

And I can still, to this day, rap EVERY SINGLE song.

Please note the Parental Advisory sticker on the bottom left-hand. I'm going to have to go ahead and attribute my potty mouth to this CD. But wait, how did I acquire this soundtrack when the purchaser had to be 18 years or older, you ask?

My grandmother.

I'm serious.

My grandma bought me THIS!!!! (Please listen to the link until my favorite part at 1:38, wherein Snoop so eloquently states, "You's a flake, and I'm the big dog. I scratch you off my balls with my mother fuckin' paws.") Genius.

But the best part is when we went to the music store to actually get the CD. It was the day after Christmas, the place is a frickin' mad house and she asks the super-hot-teenage-boy worker this.....

"Um, yeah, can I have the Snoopy Dog Dog record?"

SNOOPY DOG DOG????

RECORD?????

I was dying, dyyyy------innnnng, you guys.

I mean, I was 13 years old. Everything and Everyone already normally embarrassed me and then this????

I'm surprised I didn't melt into the floor of that music store right then.

But when we went back to her house and she asked me to play her a song I played her this.

Paybacks are a "mother fuckin' bitch. Ya better aks somebody."

P.S. I'm so so sorry G-ma. I was a wretched little punk 13 year-old. But thanks again for this CD, as it has made me the gangsta that I am today.